Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
