Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
