I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
