I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I will pee on everything he values.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
