you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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