its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.