Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
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Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
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The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i think my cat just said my name.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?