so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.