So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.