we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...