Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?

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  (805): do you think they make care bear costumes for cats? http://tfl.nu/vj5d
  Replies (10) Good night (2575) Bad night (1095)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.

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  (417): when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/gl04
  Replies (5) Good night (4073) Bad night (618)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one

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  (412): u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one http://tfl.nu/rgs7
  Replies (22) Good night (3840) Bad night (962)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.

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  (630): They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today. http://tfl.nu/t7wc
  Replies (18) Good night (4659) Bad night (605)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.

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  (610): The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices. http://tfl.nu/tdjd
  Replies (22) Good night (1466) Bad night (7464)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.

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  (601): I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk. http://tfl.nu/k978
  Replies (13) Good night (3739) Bad night (1179)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is

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  (813): She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is http://tfl.nu/qdi2
  Replies (46) Good night (5003) Bad night (1326)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  first off, his name is dougie. strike one.

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  (248): first off, his name is dougie. strike one. http://tfl.nu/yrg3
  Replies (22) Good night (1102) Bad night (4664)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.

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  (206): My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'. http://tfl.nu/39kt
  Replies (10) Good night (5010) Bad night (941)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.

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  (218): Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it. http://tfl.nu/dm7u
  Replies (44) Good night (8157) Bad night (2619)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.

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  (303): It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic. http://tfl.nu/yvsq
  Replies (28) Good night (2410) Bad night (4761)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.

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  (281): i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night. http://tfl.nu/0cve
  Replies (71) Good night (1589) Bad night (6357)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.

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  (704): The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here. http://tfl.nu/9670
  Replies (2) Good night (1504) Bad night (540)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going

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  (703): I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going http://tfl.nu/4frq
  Replies (5) Good night (902) Bad night (622)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.

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  (267): Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one. http://tfl.nu/nwfi
  Replies (5) Good night (854) Bad night (360)

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