i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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