There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
