Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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