hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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