Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
