I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I miss vodka workout Fridays
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
