I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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