with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
