Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
