I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
