yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
