The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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