I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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