Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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