Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
