I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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