this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
