Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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