Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
