so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
honey bunches of taint.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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