You just made me feel so damn special
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
