I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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