I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
