she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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