Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
is it fun? or sober?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
