I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize