oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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