no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
