I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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