I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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