I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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