my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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