He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
