she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
