I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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