9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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