Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
