He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
