there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You can't just leave with hair like that
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
