I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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