Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
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Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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