im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
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And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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