I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
