Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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