omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Who died my cat blue again?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
