I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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