I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
