just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
