Having a random hookup so left but love u
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
