Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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