He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
