Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
