Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
